My best friend's wedding

Just like the movie, "My best friend's wedding", I was losing my best friend to another woman.  How could this be?  He is moving on without me?  I always thought it would be me who found someone first. 

My best friend's wedding

You see, when we were friend, I always have boyfriend(s) or other guys hanging around.  I never really appreciated him and even when I don’t have boyfriends, he was always there.  I always have someone to hang out with.  It’s like having a boyfriend without going through the headache and heartache of being in a relationship.  Ok, this is completely different than “friends with benefits” because I wasn’t having sex with him. Well, actually he is my “friend with benefits”, but just not that kind of benefits.

Being a selfish person that I am, I didn’t care who the girl was.  All I know is that someone else was taking him away from me.  I am not longer the number one girl in his life.  I am not longer is priority and I will never come first.  She, without knowing much about her, becomes my number one enemy.

In my head, just because I didn’t want him, that doesn’t mean, I want someone else to have him.  I wanted to have him all to myself.  I wanted to always have someone to hang out with so I don’t have to be alone. 

I was upset because he no longer wants me, he shifted his attention elsewhere.  He no longer has time for me, no longer call me like he used to.

I was so focused on losing him that I forget to look at the big picture.  I forget to think about him and what makes him happy.  I realized that I have been the worst friend.  I was so into myself and only think about me and care about my own happiness above all.

I know this day was coming but I wasn’t ready for it because I always thought it would be me who stopped needing him first.

I was complaining and whining about him being such a bad friend, how he ditched me as soon as he found himself a girlfriend to everyone.  I tried to play victim in everything and make everyone else look bad for leaving me.

What I didn’t know was I never really lose him in the first place.  He is always there but I make it difficult for him because I have declared “enemy” with the girl in his life before even getting to know her.  You see to me, he choose her and that was the end of it.  He chooses the hang out with her more, he chooses to call her more, and he chooses to spend most of his time with her.  He didn’t choose me and have me come first.  I am his friend he should put me first, not the girlfriend.

It takes me years to realize that if I were to include her in my life, to get to know her and let her in, he wouldn’t have to choose.  He would still be in my life and she would be in my life.  I, instead of losing a friend, I would gained another.

The only person who loose in this game was me!