Love at first sight

Does it exist?  or is it just a feeling, is it real or is it lust at first sight?  I am pretty sure that most of us have felt it or thought that we have experienced it.

Remember that girl or that guy that you looked at the for the first time and your eyes meet?  That instant, that few seconds, that one moment, you sweared to god, your heart just skipped a beat.  Can your heart beat any faster, any louder? Can you be any more nervous and excited?

Love at first sight do exist but don't confused it with the term "soul mates". We can fall in love with someone we barely know.  Falling in love and loving someone is completely a different thing.  You can fall in love and not love the person. 

Let's face it real love take time to grow since love is supposed to be unconditional. Love grow when you feel like you've known the person because you feel so comfortable with them, are extremely attracted to them and you get along well.

Love happened when no matter how imperfect that person is, you still love that person no matter what.  You accepted the good and the bad in that person and together you will make a better team.  Somehow love make you want to be a better person. Love can either break you or make you.  Love is the most memorable and also the most painful thing you will ever experience.

Don't confused lust at first sight (physical attractiveness) mixed up with love at first sight. However "lust at first sight" may lead to relationship as well.

So does love at first sight lead to long term relationship?  As for me I have to say "no".  I have fallen in love with guys before without even knowing too much about the person.  Usually love at first sight doesn't last very long.  Because after getting to know the person, they are not what you expected.  You then fall out of love so fast.

The love that seemed to last is the one that you take your time to get to know the person and learn to love them for who they really are.  You can be in love with someone but if there is not much for you go on than what meets the eyes than the love will start to fade.

If you are with someone you truly love for the person that they really are, you will try to make it work and you accept them and love them "as is" and it's a good thing.

You shouldn't have to change someone and should not expect someone to make you happy.  In order for relationship with someone to grow and for it to work, it required compromising and understanding.

Just because "love at first sight" have not worked for me, I am sure  that there are millions of people out there who are still with someone that they fall in "love at first sight with."

Just like most thing in life though, easy come, easy go.  If everything come to us so easily, I am sure we won't be very appreciative of anything in life.  You start to take things for granted when it's always at your doorsteps.

One thing I have to say, if you meet someone and you felt that strongly about, just go for it.  Don't let the moment slipped away.  We're not going to feel like that with everyone we meet.  You just gonna have to go for it and take a chance.

Taking chances make life worth living and make it more exciting.  I have to admit the feeling of "Love at first sight" is wonderful, even if it only last for a few seconds.

Women and "Bad Boys"

If you're smart, you would stay away because trying to get him to look your way and pay attention to you and only you will be harder than you think.

What is it about bad boys that make them so appealing?  Yes, we all say that we want someone nice who will treat us “right” and appreciate us for who we really are and yet we always fall for the “bad boy.”

I know that for many of us who ever have fallen for the “bad boy” and after getting our heart broken, we said to ourselves, “no more I will be smarter next time and that this is going to be the last time”.

But if you are like most women, we tend to prove to ourselves wrong time after time because the types of guys we choose to date become a routine.  We can’t help who we are attractive to or who we fall in love with.  It’s the chemical and chemistry that we can’t control.  Our body and heart totally has a mind of its own.  It feels whatever it wants to feel without any rationality at all.  Like I said when we fall in L.O.V.E.  we can’t think straight.  L.O.V.E. has to reason.

Well, what’s not to like?  Bad boy are usually very attractive, they take care of their body, exciting, confident, adventurous, live life to the fullest and mysterious.  The fact that other women also want them tends to make them even more appealing and challenging.

What’s also exciting and appealing about bad boys is the fun of the chase.  Chances are you will be chasing them, and to finally catch one make you feel like you win first prize.  Let’s face it, they don’t give a shit.  If you are not interested, they move on quickly to the next target.  Getting them to want you make you feel like you are the most wanted girl in the world.

Is that it though?  Or is it the fact that we think that they are diamonds in the rough, that we need to come to their rescue and make them a better person.  Perhaps, for most nice girls, who never live life on a wild side, living it through someone else is safer.  We like danger and crave that exciting but we are too afraid and the bad boy will satisfy our cravings.

Let’s talk about being diamond in the rough a little bit more.  I am sure some of us date “bad boy” because we feel that there is more to them than what meet the eyes.  Perhaps we think that they been misunderstood, that they can change them into a better man.  Again women, we tend to think that we can change a man when knowing fully that they don’t want to be change.  But we will never stop trying.  It’s not our fault we can’t fight what is in our nature.

So after knowing that they will eventually break our heart, why can’t we stay away from “bad boys”? They attract us like magnets; they keep pulling us in when we want to get away.  Or do we actually want to get away?  You know what they say “misery love trouble”.  We say we don’t want it but maybe we do.  Because if we don’t, I am sure there would be less bad boys in the world.  

If women are no longer attractive to “bad boy” and stopped wanting to be with one.  I am sure the “bad boys” will stopped being “bad boys” and actually become “nice guys”.

As long as women want “bad boys”, they will continue to exist, like it or not life is more exciting being with a “bad boy”.  It’s true when they say “opposite attract.”

older women and younger men

Can this ever work?

Since it is the 21^st century and women have been fighting so hard to be equal to men.  We are not just talking about dating here.  We are talking about everything, career, financial, status and power.  For centuries, we have been working so hard to prove that we can do everything just as good as men or maybe even better.  This should be the same when it comes to dating younger men.

We were criticized when we date younger men while men get praised for dating younger women.  We have to deal with being called “Cougar” and men on the other hand are just called “Men.”

Courteney Cox and Nick Zano in the ABC show “Cougar Town.”

While it’s become more and more socially acceptable, we are still outnumbered by 2/3.  Over 30% of women today are now dating or with younger men.

Why do older women find younger men attractive and what does age have anything to do with it? When it comes to love, the heart has a mind of its own and probably its own language so who cares about age?

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When we are talking about younger men, we are talking about someone who is at least 5-10 years younger.

Why would women choose to date someone who is younger, when they can date someone who is older and more established in life?  

The answer isn’t that hard.  Older women do look better than the past, we take better care of our body, and some of us do look better than younger women in their 20s.  Look at Demi Moore, Halle Berry or Jennifer Aniston, they are smoking hot.  We look young and we feel young.

We are more independent and no longer need men to take care of us, and like it or not younger men are the one who seduce us. Why do younger men want to date older women?   Pretty much the same reason as why we choose to date younger men.  It’s totally a freedom of choice.  

Younger guy are more spontaneous, fun and full of energy and women start to hit their sexual peak in their 30s.  So in a way it’s the sexual power thing.  I think for me dating younger men=more power.  Independent women like to call the shot and they usually can’t do that with older and well establish men.  No, we are not talking about bossing someone around and telling them what to do.  We are talking about having a say in decision makings.  Men who like to be in power usually date someone who can be their arm candy.  For women who are independent and like to have their own opinion, find that older men are less willing to give in.

I can’t speak for other women on why their date younger men.  I can only speak for myself.  I do look a lot younger than my age so I get asked out by younger men.  After telling them my age, they still don’t care and want to date me anyway.  I should know better right?  After all I am the adult.  OK, just because I date younger men that does not mean,  I would never date older men.  It's just mean that I have not met one that I was into enough to date.  When men who is at least 10 years older than me asked me out, I find that to be creepy (weird how that sound).

When they are 1-3 years younger, I don’t considered that as being younger but when someone who is 10 years younger asked me out?  It’s questionable and I have pass on it before mainly because I know my family and friends wouldn't approved and I was too focus about the future and not "the power of now."

The thing is I don’t think that most people choose to date someone base solely on their age.  For some age may be the main factor but it‘s also depends on what they are looking for in a relationship.  It’s the person that they are choosing date, not the age itself.  

My decisions are base on whether or not I am attractive to the person and how compatible I am to that person. I know that in the long run it probably wouldn’t work but it’s not like I am looking for a marriage proposal from someone who is 10 years younger.  All I want is to live a little and enjoy life while I can.

When it comes down to it, I always asked myself this one question?  If men can do it, why can’t I?    I’m only going to live once and I should enjoy.

My best friend's wedding

Just like the movie, "My best friend's wedding", I was losing my best friend to another woman.  How could this be?  He is moving on without me?  I always thought it would be me who found someone first. 

My best friend's wedding

You see, when we were friend, I always have boyfriend(s) or other guys hanging around.  I never really appreciated him and even when I don’t have boyfriends, he was always there.  I always have someone to hang out with.  It’s like having a boyfriend without going through the headache and heartache of being in a relationship.  Ok, this is completely different than “friends with benefits” because I wasn’t having sex with him. Well, actually he is my “friend with benefits”, but just not that kind of benefits.

Being a selfish person that I am, I didn’t care who the girl was.  All I know is that someone else was taking him away from me.  I am not longer the number one girl in his life.  I am not longer is priority and I will never come first.  She, without knowing much about her, becomes my number one enemy.

In my head, just because I didn’t want him, that doesn’t mean, I want someone else to have him.  I wanted to have him all to myself.  I wanted to always have someone to hang out with so I don’t have to be alone. 

I was upset because he no longer wants me, he shifted his attention elsewhere.  He no longer has time for me, no longer call me like he used to.

I was so focused on losing him that I forget to look at the big picture.  I forget to think about him and what makes him happy.  I realized that I have been the worst friend.  I was so into myself and only think about me and care about my own happiness above all.

I know this day was coming but I wasn’t ready for it because I always thought it would be me who stopped needing him first.

I was complaining and whining about him being such a bad friend, how he ditched me as soon as he found himself a girlfriend to everyone.  I tried to play victim in everything and make everyone else look bad for leaving me.

What I didn’t know was I never really lose him in the first place.  He is always there but I make it difficult for him because I have declared “enemy” with the girl in his life before even getting to know her.  You see to me, he choose her and that was the end of it.  He chooses the hang out with her more, he chooses to call her more, and he chooses to spend most of his time with her.  He didn’t choose me and have me come first.  I am his friend he should put me first, not the girlfriend.

It takes me years to realize that if I were to include her in my life, to get to know her and let her in, he wouldn’t have to choose.  He would still be in my life and she would be in my life.  I, instead of losing a friend, I would gained another.

The only person who loose in this game was me!   

Is there such a thing as the one?

 “The one” is a big word when it comes to “LOVE “and relationship.   Is there only just one person for each of us and is there such thing as the one or do we just settled when we are ready?

The world has about 7 billion people, narrowing it down to just one; “the one” would be hard.  How do we go about finding “the one?” 

There are no scientific researches that have proven that it actually exists.  Since it’s has never been proven, does that mean we’re wrong to belief in it?

Perhaps we like the idea of “the one” so much that we used it as an excused when asked, “Why are you still single?” It’s simply just easier to say, “I have not found the one yet,” than having to come up with another answer.

If the one does exist, then how come 1 in every 4 married ended up in divorce?  With this being said does this mean “the one” only exist when the timing is right?  You know that time for the next big chapter in life, to settled down and start a family.   “The one” right now would eventually become “The one” because the timing is right.

Here is a scenario about timing and finding “The one”.   

A women was ready to settle down and start a family, and have been on and off with her fiancé for the past 10 years.  They were engaged for the last 2 years of their relationship.  She thought he was “The one”.  The wedding date has been set and invitation was sent out.  Couple of months before the big day, her fiancé went out to a party and met someone else, who he felt an instant connection with.  He barely knows this woman but for some reason after meeting her, he felt that she was “The one”.  Such strong connection with this other woman whom he just met and barely knows, make him give up 10 years relationship with someone. 

 

She was devastated and depressed.  She didn’t understand what just happened.  “I thought he was “The one”, she said.  So because she was ready to settle down and have kids, she constantly was out looking for someone, anyone to be “The one”.  After unsuccessfully dating a few guys, all of which told her she was too clingy, moving too fast and too desperate.  She starts dating a guy who no one thought she would ever go out with.  None of her friends and family was approved of him and at first she even denied that she was dating him. Two years later, they are married with kid.

What do you think?  Do you think he is “the one” or is he simply just “the one” right now because she was ready to settle down and he was “the one”, who is willing to give that to her?

Single in your 30s?

Is it that scary?

We all know that hitting that big 3-0 can be really scary especially for women.   When the big day finally arrived, you are really excited for the future but also extremely scare because you're in your 30s and still single.

Let's face it by this phrase of your life, most of your close friends will already be settling or have settled down with someone.   Those girls' night out barely or no longer exist.  You find that your pool of single friends are getting smaller and smaller the older you get.  This is when we realized, wow, it's not that easy to meet someone.  We are no longer in school and you no longer can party like a rock star.  Even if you can, your body just don't agree with it anymore.

Don't feel so bad, life is not over.  So you are single, get over it and start living!  Life are so full of opportunities.  Stop being afraid and go out there, it's time for you to live up to your potential and explore what life have to offer.

What should I do?

You know the thing that you dream of accomplishing in life but you keep putting it off because you have way too many excuses.  Time to start doing and stop procrastinating.  Remember those dreams you have, whether it's  traveling the world or starting that new career?

Well, go ahead and do it, trust me, it's scary but you will love it.  Remember, we all have to learned to crawl before we learned to walk.  Falling is a good thing, failing is part of living.  You will feel so accomplish just for being so independent.  Once you start doing thing on your own, living life how ever you want to live it, you will find that being single isn't as bad as it seemed. 

If you are one of those girls who always dream about finding the prince charming and the perfect wedding dress, well don't sit at home.  So what if you're girlfriends no longer available.  Go out and make some new friends, join the gym, volunteer, dating site, for god sake, just go out there and start talking to people.

Nothing beat having confident in yourself, no seriously, the key world is confident. GET IT?.  If you are sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself, this is when everyone else start to noticed how pathetic you are.  You know that guy, you been looking at, he will notice it too.  When you're feeling like a looser, you will look the part.  So starting feeling and look like a winner.

Go on, take a look at yourself in the mirror.  Are you still going out, grocery shopping in your sweat pants?  Let's stop that, shall we?  Come on, we all know, you can do better than that.  Yes, that right, I am talking to you!  The gorgeous women that you are, now show it.  Don't be afraid, flaunt whatever asset you got and show it to the world.  He will notice it too.  Remember when you look good, you feel good and everyone will see that as well.  A smile also wouldn't hurt, smile and say "hello" to everyone that walk by and look your way.  No one want to be around such a downer.  That's right stop your bitching and start living!!

The key word is confident and having positive attitude.  The good thing about being in the 21st century is women can do whatever it is that men do when it's come to sex and dating.  You know that guy, the one you are dying for him to asked you out?  Why don't you asked him out?  Go for it, after all you only live once, just live and enjoy it while you can.  Life is what you make of it.  So what if he say "no" at least you know you try......

Friends with Benefits

So what is “friends with benefits?”  It’s when you get to have sex with a friend or friends with no strings attached. You have that someone in your life without the complication of dating or being in relationship.  Let’s face it, relationship require hard work.  Some of us just don’t have time to deal with the bull-shit. The idea of “friends with benefits” is great and maybe we can have it all in life. 

 Can it really work?

Everything is easier said than done and it’s definitely not for everybody.  You do need to establish some rules and make sure that the other person involve in this is actually in the same boat as you.  For example, the other person is not in it expecting you to fall in love with him or her or hoping that it might turn into a relationship.  Another word makes sure there is no hidden agenda, other than sex. 

Finding a person to be your “friends with benefits” might also be hard.  Everyone have their own moral ethic and not everyone will want to do it.  There are people who would just rather have sex with someone that they love and care about.  Meaningless sex is not for everyone.

Short term, “friends with benefits” do work but as far as long term go, it will never last.  Along the way someone will always get hurt.  So if you start to developed feeling for the other person, you either have to end it or see where it would lead.  This is where it will hurt because one person might not feel the same way.  So, it does get complicated after all.  Spend enough time with someone, you might confuse lust and love all together. 

The time line for this kind of relationship should be about 1-3 months but it’s also depends how often you see that other person as well.  Any longer than 3 months we are heading for disaster, one way or the other either you or the other person will develop feeling or attachment to the other person. 

In short, I say “friends with benefits” doesn’t work at least not for me.  However, many relationship do developed from casual sex or “friends with benefits”

Please feel free to post any comments on here regarding the subject “friends with benefits” or want to share your experience.